Alternative Dispute Resolution

The methods of dispute resolution frequently used are mediation and/or arbitration. They have some similarities but other major differences.

Mediation

In mediation, the parties meet with an impartial individual (or "neutral") who should have special training and qualifications for the purpose of helping them reach an agreement. Sometimes the attorneys attend mediation and other times the parties go without their lawyers. The neutral does not have authority to make any binding decisions. He or she can only try to assist the parties in coming to their own agreement.

Arbitration

The spouses may agree to submit some or all of their disputes to an arbitrator, a person chosen to decide the issues that the parties present. An arbitrator should have special training and qualifications. The arbitrator's decision can be made into a court judgment. Although traditionally the decision of an arbitrator is binding and final, some variations have emerged in recent years. Your lawyer can discuss with you whether arbitration is advisable.

Your Conduct

Here are some good rules to follow during divorce:

• Do try to maintain good communication with your spouse and children.
• Do talk to your lawyer before agreeing to a settlement.
• Don't physically or verbally abuse your spouse or children.
• Don't say anything to others that you wouldn't want your spouse or the judge to hear.
• Don't go on a spending spree. Excessive spending on yourself or others may harm your case.
• Don't throw away financial records or other possible evidence.
• Don't try to hide evidence or assets.
• Do keep your perspective and try to be rational.

Divorce is stressful, but not the end of the world. How you or your spouse feels during your divorce can change dramatically as the case progresses. It's normal to go through stages of denial, anger, guilt, depression and acceptance on the way to a resolution. These stages don't necessarily occur in any order or only once. So, if you're depressed, for example, you can take some comfort in knowing that you'll probably feel different next week.